Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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