Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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