i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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