Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
