My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
