i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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