I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
