it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
