I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
