Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Houston, we have a blender
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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