I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
