I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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