im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Porn is love you can see.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
