I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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