everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
