I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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