Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize