do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
