I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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