how can u be prego again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just google imaged poop.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
