I wish I could teleport
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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