she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
