life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
