He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
