apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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