I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
