I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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