Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
