Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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