we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
