So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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