Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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