and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
