How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
