I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
