dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
