he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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