yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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