I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
