Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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