I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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