Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All the doctor said was why
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
