I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
