What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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