She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
