he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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