I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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