I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
