FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
