The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
