She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
