My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize