It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
