If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
