It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize