He passed out mid-signature
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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