i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
