you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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