He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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