My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
