Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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