You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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