We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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